In order to frame the healing work that I have undertaken, It will be necessary to make you aware of this consciousness we all have. I have come to know it as “The Monster”
Some, as I was, are so entrenched in this consciousness that they identify with it as themselves 100%.
It is the voice that is constantly nagging… Judging, labelling, predicting. It is the voice that is making you feel like a piece of shit and no good will come from listening to it. No wonder the Christian faith refers to the devil as “the accuser”, because as I see it, this consciousness IS the devil. And guess what, most of us walk around listening to this voice every day of our lives. It’s no wonder to me why the world is in such a mess.
Corruption, suicide, mental disease, depression. So much incorrect actions, most of which I’m guessing can be related to people listening to their monster. And I say “their” because most people will have a slightly different version of the monster depending on their experiences throughout life.
I always accepted it as a normal part of what I called “myself”, though as I got older, I started to realise that the monologue of my mind was becoming uncomfortable. There was a growing necessity to try and outrun this troublesome voice. So I did, for a while. Long story short, that didn’t work. Emotional trauma causing a poor and unbalanced flow of energy makes for an unhappy being. And every knock that life deals you is just a little more food for that monster to feed on.
The problem with the monster is that, while it is our primary consciousness, it will not allow us to undergo any sort of real healing. It will use every trick in the book to make you unable to attend to your stuck emotions.
For me it was a mixture of anger and blame. When I was challenged, I was swift to blame other people for my problems and usually got pretty angry in doing so. It was a mechanism to keep my actual consciousness away from whatever emotional trauma it was hidden away that was causing me to do this. So here we see a catch 22 situation, the monster simultaneously causes us (and those around us) lots of suffering while dis-enabling us from attending to the root cause of that suffering.
SO there we all go with our monsters. Apologising to our partners (or whomever) when we lose our tempers and swearing that we’ll do better next time. In reality though, change on this deep emotional level is very difficult, if not impossible, if we have an active monster. Therefore, it is most likely that the same cycles of emotional turbulence will repeat and repeat until healing is brought about.
The ironic thing is that this monster consciousness is not really us, although as I've mentioned we identify with it as “ourselves”. This is because we are led to believe that the development of an ego is totally natural. The term “ego” is pretty much interchangeable with “the monster” so I will use it in this blog, however… the concept that some consciousness we have developed can stand separate to us and look in on us to judge us is not only harmful but quite ludicrous.
So if your inner monologue is full of judgments (on yourself and others), labels, predictions, if you’re taking things personally and are living via your emotions and belief systems while not being objective, chances are that you are identifying with your monster. If so, you need to stop now, and I hope other entries in this blog will help you start that process. The quality of your life depends on it!
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