Becoming more objective has been a side product of the energy work I have been practising over the last four years. I really welcome the changes that it has brought but there is also a flip side to losing our subjective egos. I’ll come to that later.
See "Losing the Ego"
First I just want to mention that I’m aware I don't blog often and haven't done so for a while. The last piece that I wrote that was more based on personal experience was “The Relapse”. It was a difficult time. I can’t say that I’m super excited about where I’m at now, but I’ve done some energy work, dialled the alcohol consumption back and joined a gym. I was also spurred on to write again after someone mentioned to me that they read my blog!
My point to saying all this is that energy/spiritual/metaphysical work is ongoing. Sometimes I have periods of being disciplined with it and sometimes I don’t. It’s like going to the gym I suppose, working it into your daily routine and doing it regularly will undoubtedly give the quickest and best returns.
So what is objectivity? It’s the ability to see things as they really are, without the distortions of the ego/monster.
I’ve often suspected that the activities of the monster are directly connected to trauma and how these emotions lodge in our energetic selves.
I’ve noticed that people are often one of a few ways when it comes to this...
There are those where, fortunately for them, nothing particularly unpleasant has happened over the course of their lives. This means that no unpleasant trauma will be stored within them, and this leads to them being quite naturally objective. I’d say this was a much more natural state for human beings to operate in.
Then there are those who have experienced emotionally hurtful events. Sometimes multiple. This could be bullying, an abusive partner or parent, maybe an accident or physical injury. Here I would say that the route splits in 2…
1) The person forms a large egotistical defence. Ultimately the ego forms a protective barrier between who we are and our painful emotions. You may say that’s a good thing because let’s face it, no one likes dealing with painful emotions. We’re human and we all shy away from anything painful. Fairly normal. The problem is with a big old ego is that it often leads to actions or behaviour that is hurtful to others. There is also a suspicion I have that unacknowledged emotions have a part to play in disease. If we can’t spot our emotions because of an overactive ego, how will we ever let go of them and avoid this?
These people tend to be the big “I am”. It may present as confidence, but underneath it there is profound insecurity. An insatiable need to feel good about themselves by whatever means necessary, and it just doesn't matter to these people how they get that ego “fix”.
The problem with these types is that it usually takes a big fall or a very massive arse kicking to break that ego down enough to finally see the error of their ways, or start dealing with their stuck emotions.
The extreme example of these types would be someone we may label as a “Narcissist”, also a rising concern in modern culture.
See “Narcissism”
2) The person develops symptoms of unexpressed, and unhealthy emotions. This might include depression, mental illness, suicide, addictions. This isn’t to say that they don’t also have that big ego, except in this scenario it may operate in a different way… The monster is sneaky like that!
Instead of scenario 1 where the monster may be saying to the person how much better they are than everyone else, in scenario 2 it may tend to be the opposite. The monster is probably telling the type 2 person what a useless waste of space they are and how bad everything is for them… The poor me scenario. I dare say most of us have experienced this to a degree in our lives.
The type 2 in this case also needs an arse kicking to help them disengage from the monster. It can be just as hard. In this scenario it’s likely that the monster will blame everyone else for their bad luck and not take personal responsibility for any of it.
Either scenario is disagreeable and is potentially damaging for the person and those around them. What it all boils down to is an out of control monster(ego)… monster is my pet name for it as you know.
I wonder how many people we know who are like this?
I always leaned towards the type 2 personality. I was hurt, my emotions were painful, I didn’t know how to deal with them. My ego defences came into place mostly when I felt like I wasn’t good enough, or I hadn’t done something right. It’s almost like my ego couldn’t handle another confirmation of how useless I was… So I’d do the classics… get angry, drink, blame others. It was never an enjoyable place to be.
BUT NOW… After working to disable my ego and release stuck emotions, I can now see when it is my ego in the driving seat. I have more awareness of other peoples needs. I’m not so prickly. I don’t need to be centre of attention. Best of all, instead of just listening to that wretched monster as if it was me, I can differentiate, and now I have more space to listen to a more objective realistic side of me that was obscured when the monster was in control.
Yes I still have remnants of these triggers, and I’m still working my way towards having no addictions. Overall I feel as though I’ve taken great strides towards being a more reasonable, balanced and objective human being.
I would say that these issues I’ve discussed (Narcissism, depression, suicide etc.) is something we’ve seen a great rise in globally; a pandemic far scarier than any virus. We are seeing critical levels of mental health problems and my bet is that somehow, egos and emotions are at the heart of it.
I’ve never said that I’ve found the work easy, but I believe that in order to bring balance to ourselves then it is very necessary to go inside ourselves, disable the ego, work on our stuck emotions and come back to a balanced and flowing state. I’d go as far as to say that this sort of work will be crucial in fixing so many aspects of a rather broken world in which we live.
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